The Ultimate Green Machine - No Gas Needed ObamaMobile 2016 It Is Powered By A Big Downhill Slope ... Modeled After Obama's "Jobs Plan." |
These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read: Unfortunately, most voters don't know or care about them. |
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1. | You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. |
2. | What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. |
3. | The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. |
4. | You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. |
5. | When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them; and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation. |
Political Science for Dummies | |
DEMOCRAT | You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone. |
REPUBLICAN | You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? |
SOCIALIST | You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. |
COMMUNIST | You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. |
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE | You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. |
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE | You have two cows. Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain. |
AMERICAN CORPORATION | You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. |
FRENCH CORPORATION | You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good |
JAPANESE CORPORATION | You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. |
GERMAN CORPORATION | You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. |
ITALIAN CORPORATION | You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. Life is good. |
RUSSIAN CORPORATION | You have two cows. You drink some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You drink some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. |
TALIBAN CORPORATION | You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. |
IRAQI CORPORATION | You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing. |
POLISH CORPORATION | You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. |
BELGIAN CORPORATION | You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy. |
FLORIDA CORPORATION | You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the bestlooking cow. |
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION | You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal. The cows get a drivers license and go to college on in-state tuition. |